Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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