You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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