I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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