you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize