and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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