Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So many bounce houses so little time
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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