But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im six kinds of drunk right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
