It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
