omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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