what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
