the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
