Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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