i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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