mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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