Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
