I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
