This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
