Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
