Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
