she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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