As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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