how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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