woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
