she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
