I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
