It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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