i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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