Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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