i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
