apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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