Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
