You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
