I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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