my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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