I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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