I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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