I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
