I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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