he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
