dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
