Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
