We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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