Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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