so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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