Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
