I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
