i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
