Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
