I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
