Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
