we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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