I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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