life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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