No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
