you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
