Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
