so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
