i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
