So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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