wakey wakey hands off snakey
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
