no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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