Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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