Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
