Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
