oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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