if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you never un-have a 4some
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
