the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
