You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
