Cold hands, warm shart.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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