Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
