Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
