my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
