I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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