I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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