im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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