just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
