Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
