physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
