I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
