I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
